Im letting my hands off, and i dont know why. No connection, nothing and your not trying your best. Im always trying my best cause i dont wish to loose you but now i give up. Sorry but i just have to give up. Its going to be four months and counting from the first month, we only met like a few days? Is this what i deserve? my friends always say:

" mel, your boyfriend is not working right? so fun can meet you everyday"
" mel, you look so good with your boyfriend, so perfect. If only im like you"
" mel, wahh dah nk four months, not bad aye, you know your boyfriend alot now aye?"

All those positive thoughts people think of us, is it really true? Whenever they say that, i feel crushed, i feel like a BIG FAT liar. I lied to them saying that im okay when im not. If only you guys now what im going through nowadays. Im sorry for lying. and yes, On the other hand other Close friends tht know abt all this, keep asking me to let go but i dont want to cause i know that your trying your best to keep the relationship going. But now what? I keep siding you when people have negative thoughts about you. I keep saying stuff to make them like you and not hate you. I keep thinking of you day and night like as if i dont have a life. I keep on waiting for your calls. I even slept late to wait but still no calls. i didnt get anything in return at all.

Peeople also say " woah, that guy must be lucky to hv you". Do you feel lucky? Do you feel treasured? Do you?I doubt so.Besides, Do you know i have lots of other people calling me but not you? Do youknow i have 100 and 1 msges from other people and not you? Why are those people entertaining me? making me feel happy but not you? Whenver my phone rang i'll run towards it not thinnking what i banged into. but when i checked it, it wasnt you. Im trying my best to not feel any negative thoughts about you but i just cant help it. You dont call me, you dont msg me so how can i not think that you dont treasure me anymore?

Your too busy with other stuff and when your free your out with your friends. I dont care you go out with them but hv sometime with me first cn?! we barely go out, we barely call, we barely connect. Just atleast give time for me! Is it that hard? I swear i dont control you at all. I guess im giving u too much free hand and thats why our relationship is like this. im stupid.I just have to express all this in my blog. I suck being a girlfriend and thats why im trying my best but you dont seem to make me feel that whatever i do is worth it. So frm now on, do whatever you wanna do. I'll folow the flow. Im still young. Mesti enjoy life. take care and goodbye. Im still keeping my promise.